Oops - sorry John, this is how the email appeared on my machine
Well laugh, I nearly bought one. I almost fell off my chair when an email arrived, in amongst the spam releases and lottery wins, touting Chelsea footballer/ England captain and fighter/shagger John Terry for brand endorsements.
Of course any brand would get plenty of coverage for their money. Terry is never out of the papers, the front bits that is. From en flagrante to affray, Terry has a wide and varied list of misdemeanors to his name. He has even scored trouble by parking in a disabled bay at a pizza restaurant (must be those injuries playing up again).
But despite being on footballers wages he has something in common with the rest of us: that’s right embarrassing parents. But rather than bad dancing at weddings, Terry’s Dad has been filmed by the tabs dealing drugs while his mum and mother-in-law have both claimed prime Daily Mail coverage after getting caught shoplifting flip flops.
So now Terry’s looking for brands to supplement his income by allowing him to advertise and endorse them. Hmm John wouldn’t it be better to endorse them first and then make them pay you to stop?
Displaying dauntlessness the England team would do well to emulate, the players management company Elite has signed up Riviera Entertainment to represent Terry and bring in the ‘wonga’. One of the ways they are doing it is by sending in the aforementioned email out to brands (I hope they’re doing more for their money) although you’d think they’d make sure it didn’t end up with CSO.
Still the email is worth posting here for the both factual and humorous reasons.
“John Terry is available to create effective brand awareness and endorse products and services globally.
John Terry is:
British sporting hero
England’s football captain
World Cup 2018 ambassador
Football icon
Dad of the year 2008
Voted as one of the World’s most influencial [sic] people”
Voted as one of the world’s most ‘Influencial’ people? Voted for by who? Nuts readers. Who would allow themselves to be influenced by Terry? All I know is I don’t ever want to meet them in a dark alley.
Surprisingly, however, the Dad of the Year bit is actually true. He was handed the accolade by purveyors of Daddies Sauce. Now I’m sure Terry is a lovely dad, but I don’t really know for sure and neither do the eaters of the HP copycat brand. In fact the only thing they have to go on is the silly baby rocking celebration he did after scoring one of his trade mark setpiece headers. If that’s what Daddies customers have used as a point of reference then heaven help the children of this country.
Still good luck to John and the brands who support him in the lead-up to next year’s World Cup. I may be being slightly cruel about this, but at the end of the day at least he’s not doing the ‘save the planet’ type messiah stuff that Sean Connery and Piers Morgan are currently doing.
This is pure commercial endorsement and it’s a free country. If a brand wants to use him, it’s their money to spend.
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